Faith is spelled R-I-S-K

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Ohmigosh! Seriously! How awesome is life when God is at the center of it! I’m sure some or many of my small group of readers have heard it, but this defintely blogworthy! Ok. Here goes. (PS you will think this is so much cooler if you read and don’t skim).

So…the past couple months God has been bombarding me with…not more than i can chew, but my mouth was never empty I could say. we’ve been working on my self-esteem, self-confidence, really seeking Him in everything and making God an everyday thing and not a chruch thing. We are setting high standards for where I stand morally, with dress, behavior, not dating, all that fun stuff. And I am learning more every day.

I feel like I have gotten a complete makeover…not really from the outside. But where I couldn’t say there was a self esteem, there is a confidence only God can give. Where there was self doubt, there is trust. But why I am saying this is that I feel like some of our hardest times are preparations, and God is getting ready to do something big.

My apologies for not being a good writer, but bear with me for a little bit. For those of you who  little bit about my past, or not, I had no room for mistakes in my life. If I did something wrong, I punished myself for it. I never deserved compliments, forgiveness, was never good enough. (no pity parties, but our society kinda raises girls like that). It sucks! But God has shown me some amazing things about myself, I’m proud to say and it has been easy to accept. i rejected myself…He was just waiting for me to realize “O How He loves Us.” and love isn’t a condition thing…something I have to earn. So now instead of wanting to earn his love, its more like since I love him so much, my HEART wants to do everything I can to please Him! And no one can really love without loving themselves. Fact: I love myself. I love my personality, my heart, my height, my youthful looks, even the gap in my teeth! And starting from the inside all the way to the outside, Jesus thinks I am drop dead gorgeous! Woot Woot! …Im blushing.

OK. Back to the purpose and exciting story of my blog. i have been struggling with what God wants to do with my life. I want to be a warrior for Him, especially in the area of younger girls. I wanted to do the internship, and had talked to some people about it, but He said no. I cried, and argued, and cried, then dealt with the fact that Father knows best, as frustrating and unsensical as it is. Then I wanted to go to Belize…no! When will I get a yes?! It’s all for You!

And this is where the story starts:

WayFM…audition for AMTC. (Actors Models Talent for Christ). Hmm…no. That was just a silly childhood dream. There is no talent here. It replays again and again. So I sign up. It will just be a disappointment. Two weeks later. Sunday 4-20. Church is in South Denver…audition in Fort Collins. It’s not worth the gas. I have nothing prepared. Then God steps in…I hate our arguments sometimes. it reminds me of my teenage fights with my parents…yikes. And, dude, this is freaking God!

Ok. So Im listening to Marilyn talking about faith. And that means taking risks. Im not sure what she wanted us to get out of it, but I got played like a banjo in a bluegrass band. with the help of a Sunday service, and the unwanted encouragement of some friends, I went for it. Nerves built as I saw how many people where auditioning. And while I was waiting for my turn to do a monologue, everyone seemed to have something ANYTHING prepared. Great…now Im going to make a fool of myself. All I have is a toothpaste monologue that everyone is already reading, plus their other stuff. That 30 seconds came and went with a flash. Nothing spectacular. I knew there was knonw way they would pick me out of this crowd of people…faith. Child, be still.

OK, God. Whatever happens, I trust you have given me this gift, this talent. And if they don’t call me, you will still use it. 7:42. Phone rings. Life changes.

There are a lot more in between details. But miracle #1: There wasn’t anything spectacular about my read, but they said they saw a light in me, a joy. Guess where that came from! Miracle #2: (pending) God is going to provide a way there. Miracle #3: (pending) I will be ready in time…8 months of training packed into 2. Miracle #4: (pending) What happens at that convention, who sees me, and just as importantly who doesn’t take a second glance.

Matthew 17:20“Because you’re not yet taking God seriously,” said Jesus. “The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, ‘Move!’ and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn’t be able to tackle.”

I am going to need lots of faith for this little David to defeat this Giant industry that detroys so many people’s walk with God.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I don’t think this means whatever you want, but the closer I came back and the closer I am getting to God the stronger this desire I buried became. So, whatever happens, I know pray God will keep me in line with Him, putting his commandments before any desires I have.

Thanks for reading. And listen to God before your own doubts or the discourachment of others!

 

 

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