Boy Meets Girl

So, if you are single or unmarried, and are looking for an awesome book to read, I would DEFINITELY recommend “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris. He has a lot of Scripture and personal experience to back up his views on dating (the right way) and waiting.  It took me about three days to read, Because I  couldn’t put it down. It really touches the whole spectrum, what to do if you didn’t save yourself, how to avoid temptation, what to do BEFORE you enter a relationship, and how to keep your and the other person’s heart safe.

That book really helped me out a lot! It showed me why I feel guilty about some things sometimes…or showed truths to back up what I believe about how dangerous recreational dating can be. Honestly, give this book a chance. Besides God, marriage is the second biggest relationship most of us will have.  I repeat second, not first.

I will share one thing that completely rocked my world. I have read about Gods grace all over the Bible and have heard his truths. But sometimes it takes someone explaining it to me for the 100th time for me to get it. And I feel like I need to share this with someone who will read this. A lot of people, myself especially, tell God “I know You forgave me for my sin against You, but I just can’t forgive myself.” We punish ourselves for our sin, even after Jesus has forgotten it. Satan has us trapped in this lie. But think about this. By us not giving up are sin, we 1. are still bound to it. and 2. are saying we are better than God. Explanation: By knowing God forgave us, but not doing it ourselves, we are saying our standards are higher than His! How self righteous. Im not saying God doesn’t have high expectations for us…but if He can forgive you for murdering His Son, don’t hold onto your sin. Your regrets. Let them go. Love yourself, cherish yourself, so you can cherish others. 

That was humbling. Thank you Joshua Harris. But it shows how much I really don’t know God. But its motivation to get to know Him better and dig deeper, and go to other people for help when I don’t understand His word. So, anyways if you do read this book, let me know what you think!

I am 20 soon but I feel 13.

With all this openness I have been seeing, I decided it might be time for me to expose my TRUE colors… not the ones everyone sees. These are the things most people don’t know about me…these are my insecurities. So if anyone else has the same, you are not alone.

1.MY FEELINGS GET HURT REALLY EASILY! I would like to say that hurtful things roll off my shoulders. I would like to say 100% of my security is in God. But its not. Its hard to forget the hurtful things people have said about me. I forgive them, but the pain doesn’t go away.

2.I AM NOT FULL OF MYSELF! Apparently popular opinion as of late is that I always have to be the center of attention and thing I am the hottest thing since sliced bread. My personality really just likes to see people smile and i love to have fun. This probably is one of my biggest hurts, because a big part of me cares what people think and  I want to leave a good impression on people.

3.I AM SELF CONCIOUS ABOUT MY LOOKS. The mirror is growing on me, thanks to God! He has shown me that what I look like isn’t what is important to Him. My heart is what He finds beautiful. And I know he will use the fact that I look so young for something good..someday. But sometimes, the freckles, pale skin, and gapped teeth get to me.

4. I DON’T HAVE A CONSISTENT PRAYER LIFE. I still feel like a baby Christian. Sometimes I skip talking to God or reading my Bible becuaseI am too “busy.”

5. I RECENTLY FELL BACK INTO SIN, CAUSING A FELLOW BELIEVER TO STUMBLE. And I couldn’t hate myself more right now. I know God has forgiven me, but I know i have cheated not only on Him, but have robbed myself and my Husband.

6. SPEAKING OF HUSBANDS I DONT REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED. I feel like me and God would work out just fine by ourselves. I am not bitter, but why be distracted. He is all I will ever need, and I want to get closer and closer to Him. And Ithe second greatest commandment…to love people after loving God, I want to travel and show His love, without the attachment. (for anyone else, this is just how I feel for MY life).

7. I HIDE BEHIND MY SARCASM. I know that whether or not I grew up with it, sarcasm is not uplifting to other people. I need God’s grace to help me kick the habit. I have come a long way, but I have noticed that the people I am closest to are the ones who get the worst of it.

8. HATE IS A CONSISTENT PART OF MY VOCABULARY. this has really been brought ot my attention recently.I figured out the reason i use it in fun is to make it less offensive to myself. I have heard that word directed towards me, and something in me wants to make it less serious. Hate is the opposite of love, and so far away from God. I am careful to never have hate in my heart, but it seems to be damaging when in my speech. (feel free to hit me if you hear me say it, even though it will be joking). 

9. I CAN’T KEEP FRIENDS. The longest consistent close friendship (not once in a while casual friends) was 3 years. And that was in high school. Nothing has come close since. I have tried to figure it out. But even after giving it to God, the pattern of people moving on is still hapening.

10. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER WITHOUT A FUTURE. Everyone my age has some sort of future planned out. They know their callings. They are in school…something. I know its not too late for me, but I feel like I am always the last to grow up, the last to mature.

I am not trying to get a pitty party.  Don’t comment. Just read. As big of a change as people have seen, I still haven’t come that far. there are days like this when I am just not happy. These are the moments when I realize how little of my life, my identity I put in God. These 10 things i want to work on, to say I have fully given to God. And when that happens i will let you know, jsut as a testimony to how awesome His grace is and how patient He is. Becuase only He can change these things in my lfe. Believe me. I have tried on my own.

You are All I Need

Bethany Dillon is so freaking awesome! See previous post too!

For My Love

Its not quite the music video I was thinking…but this song is soo amazing! This is so gonna be my heart song someday!

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love

All I Need

I am not going to lie. Yesterday sucked! My job position at work means I get yelled at …a lot! Customers don’t get help fast enough and employees are getting to much work to handle. Even my smiley voice and storm calming words yesterday didn’t seem to satisfy. My car is still broken down outside. I have blisters covering my back from a self-inflicted sunburn. I felt really lonely for the first time since I had chosen to let God be the fullfillment of my life. And right when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I got a call about a suicide. I handled it better than I thought, pouring myself into the word and giving these things to God. Worship was amazing last night. Worship, being able to praise God for just being with me and pour out my overflowing love to Him…nothing could be better. But there are those times for sorrow. Weeping for the souls that couldn’t be saved. I saw how this confused person could have been a great man of God. I could have reached out. No more stalling. People die in different unexpected ways every day…its our job to be the light, to do everything in our power to make sure they will end up in the right place. Its my job to be a warrior. I mean…it does suck that my car doesn’t work, my phone got stolen, I look like a cherry, my parents aren’t too happy with me. And suicide is heart-breaking. So I beat myself up over someone I didn’t influence to walk with God, or I use that to motivate me to quit sitting around. Take that Satan! You stole one life, but me and God are coming after His children you think you have some claim to! And God, you totally rock! Thanks for the rain last night, it was beautiful. Our walk was awesome. Your word is awesome. the people in my life are awesome! You have found beauty in my weakness! I love You!

Summer list….Yay!

Get a tan…not bunches of burns

Help Catalyst grow

Get good at swing dancing

Read through the whole Bible…and understand it

Learn to swim

Go to Jump Street at least once

Build lifelong friendships

Affect peoples lives in a good way

Become a person who’s life encourages other people to chase after God

Hang out with Brittany as much as possible :)…:(

Move to Denver

ULTIMATE FRISBEE

Learn how to skate….maybe

Read the 3 books on my list

Get my family hooked at ORCC…hehe family

Buy a new car?

Kill 1 spider…from an extremely safe distance, of course

Go icebocking

Camping

Sand dunes

Vacation with Brittany/ friends

Turn 19…again (being a teenager seems like so much more fun)

Barbeques!

Small group at the Brages!

Completely rock someone’s life!

Waterworld….after I learn how to swim.

Wakeboarding!

Finish my tattoo.

Fall more in love with Jesus than ever!

 

 

Worth Living For

This is “Infiltrate” -Worth Dying For

I’m a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.
I have Holy Spirit power.
I’ve stepped over the line.
The decision has been made.
I’m a disciple of His.
I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.
My past redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure.
I’m finished and done with low living, sidewalking, small-planning, smooth-knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, worldly-talking, cheap-giving, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need pre-eminence, position, promotion, applause or popularity.
I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded.
I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience.
I’m uplifted by prayer, and labour by power.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my God reliable.
My mission is clear.
I cannot be bumped, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of my adversaries, negotiate at the table of my enemy or ponder at the pool of popularity.
I won’t give up, shut up, let up until I’ve stayed up, stored up, prayed up, preached up for the cause of Christ.
I am a DISCIPLE OF JESUS.

“The 21 of May”

My hands lifted, my feet are dancing.

All my worries are for now at rest

What an honor to give You my praise

That is so insufficient at best.

Nothing will break me

For Your love is too great

How can I not surrender my little everything

When to love by the cross was Your fate.

I will never leave your side

You are my lover and friend

I am not unashamed…but crazy about You

I will go tell all I can…

About the love that rescues

The love that sets our hearts free

The love that died for us!

Do what you can- use me!

But worship is over now..

So I slide back in my chair

What will You teach me tonight, Lord?

What happens next was not fair.

I didn’t ask for a hard lesson!

My heart screams out in pain.

The tears begin to flood….

I know my cries are in vain.

No God! You can’t let this happen!

This must be a dream!

These people love you Lord…they TRUST you God!

How could you be so mean!

I am done. I am finished.

I want to run and never look back.

Wow! In moments I have turned on You

What faith I must lack.

I stay in my sit

I don’t know what to do!

But when he opens his lips…

Every word is from You.

Trials and tribulations

One day we all will face..

But it’s a chance…an amazing opportunity

To meet You in this place.

The realizations don’t ease the grief,

Will my eyes ever be dry?

There are so many questions…accusations

But only You know why.

I have to look up!

Now I have to give You my all.

Like a child, my hands reach up to You

Afraid to let them fall.

For surely if I look away…

If I don’t recklessly seek your face

And I open my eyes…

I will go back to the place.

Before they were in my life

The little girl I once knew

That was so full of anger and destruction

The one that didn’t know You.

Please, I beg, help us.

Through this guide our way

So that we can bring Your glory

As You help us not to stray.

My heart is bruised and bleeding

I still had so much to learn

But there are other young hearts with questions.

And soon it will be their turn.

The gifts that You gave us

Our precious Holly and Ben

Will soon be your gifts to another

Because You hold the pen.

The church we cannot blame

But we have a lesson to learn

In Malachi 3, verse 10

…just one tenth of what we earn

Would have kept them here

But the past we cannot adjust

And I can only focus on ME

And know that our God is just

Our hearts are all so heavy

This has  taken  huge tolls.

But there is a peace that washes over…

For a promise of many young souls.

Use us all now in this time

And use them as You will

Because our purpose is stronger than ever…

There is still heaven to fill.

So as they will leave

And win new hearts for You

Bless their lives, dear Lord

That by the time they are through

When they look back in heaven

As far as they can see

Will be the people they affected

And God through their beautiful hands

Has rescued me!

Now I lift up my eyes

To my promised Husband, promised land

My heart still is hurting

 

But it will be safe in your hands.

 

 

 

Exclusive’s blog page

Have to make this short. I’m on a lunch. For those of you who in Exclusive, or have decided to follow online, I have created a blogpage for it. It is exclusivegirls.wordpress.com I won’t have any posts up until hopefully tonight. But it will be chalk full of info. by this weekend…our current chapter, meeting summary, and just fun stuff. I don’t want it to be boring! So definitely subscribe and become a part of that page! I am excited to hear from you guys this week, and if I don’t talk to you before next Wednesday’s meeting, I apologize. It means I don’t have you in my notebook yet.

The Dance

May 10th, 1:32AM. A perfect moment. An empty parking lot, surrounded by wild flowers. Soft distant street lights. Trying to hold in a giggle. The radio just loud enough…loud enough to hear the perfect song. No one is around. Just me. Just Him…and the rain. It is for me-the rain is. In that moment at that spot. It is falling for me. People are a distant thought. Worries are nonexistant. Life is at a standstill. Romance drenches as quickly as the rain. One song. One dance. One moment. My moment. I don’t see anyone else. I feel Him. I blush. He watches. He smiles. His love pours. I am drenched. I am His delight. No one can come close. Nothing more romantic. Perfection. The moment ends as the car door opens. But the heart still pounds. This isn’t goodbye. We can’t help but smile. Even now. Sigh. Time starts again. I know there will be others. Moments stolen from time. But none quite like this. We talk…He tries to distract. Now impossible to ignore. He leaves me flowers. He blows through my hair, whispering His love. He shows me something beautiful. How can they not see! How can they not feel Him! His love so sweet. Sigh. They will know. They will feel. Warm blankets. Droopy eyelids. Beating heart. Sweet dreams.