My 6 year old hero!

 CALVIN AND HOBBES! In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. **

Reality continues to ruin my life.**

Calvin : You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. Hobbes : What mood is that? Calvin : Last-minute panic**

 That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria! **

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t help.**

 This one’s tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen …**

Calvin: I’m a genius, but I’m a misunderstood genius. Hobbes: What’s misunderstood about you? Calvin: Nobody thinks I’m a genius**

 “I’m a simple man, Hobbes.” “You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!” “I’m a simple man with complex tastes.“

** “See Any UFOs?” “Not yet.” “Well, keep your eyes open, they’re bound to land here sometime.” “What will we do when they come?” “See if we can sell mom and dad into slavery for a star cruiser”

** “Any monsters under my bed tonight?” “Nope.” “No.” “Uh-Uh.” “Well there *better* not be, I’d hate to have to torch one with my flamethrower!” “You have a flamethrower?” “They lie. I lie.“

** ON GIRLS:

“Do you like being a girl?” “Its gotta be better than the alternative.” “Whats it like? Is it like being a bug?” “Like a WHAT?” “I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a crual trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it.“

** I’m looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello…?

** Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it’s hard to imagine what.

Read this! It was pretty mind-blowing.

http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2006/09/what-prayer-is-and-isnt.html

What is a Gentleman?

Check this out! Song of Solomen is the controversial book of the Bible with the expression of love and enjoyment between the Shulammite and the king. They are completely in love..not lust. And this is what showed me the difference.

6 times! The King addresses her as “My sister, my bride.” (I’ll let you find where it says it) Isn’t that interesting that each time, he says sister BEFORE he says bride. That was so cool! I think it works both ways. But it clicked that for him to really love her as a bride, he first saw her as a sister.

Do with it what you will. But when I read that, it REALLY caught my attention. And it showed me what kind of guy should catch my attention (way down the road, of course). One that FIRST treats me as a sister in Christ…then with Gods permission as more. A suggestion to guys..and girls: I read recently in a book a good answer for How far is too far?

Go as far as you would in front of her/your dad? Remember we all have a Dad that is always watching.

Boy Meets Girl

So, if you are single or unmarried, and are looking for an awesome book to read, I would DEFINITELY recommend “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris. He has a lot of Scripture and personal experience to back up his views on dating (the right way) and waiting.  It took me about three days to read, Because I  couldn’t put it down. It really touches the whole spectrum, what to do if you didn’t save yourself, how to avoid temptation, what to do BEFORE you enter a relationship, and how to keep your and the other person’s heart safe.

That book really helped me out a lot! It showed me why I feel guilty about some things sometimes…or showed truths to back up what I believe about how dangerous recreational dating can be. Honestly, give this book a chance. Besides God, marriage is the second biggest relationship most of us will have.  I repeat second, not first.

I will share one thing that completely rocked my world. I have read about Gods grace all over the Bible and have heard his truths. But sometimes it takes someone explaining it to me for the 100th time for me to get it. And I feel like I need to share this with someone who will read this. A lot of people, myself especially, tell God “I know You forgave me for my sin against You, but I just can’t forgive myself.” We punish ourselves for our sin, even after Jesus has forgotten it. Satan has us trapped in this lie. But think about this. By us not giving up are sin, we 1. are still bound to it. and 2. are saying we are better than God. Explanation: By knowing God forgave us, but not doing it ourselves, we are saying our standards are higher than His! How self righteous. Im not saying God doesn’t have high expectations for us…but if He can forgive you for murdering His Son, don’t hold onto your sin. Your regrets. Let them go. Love yourself, cherish yourself, so you can cherish others. 

That was humbling. Thank you Joshua Harris. But it shows how much I really don’t know God. But its motivation to get to know Him better and dig deeper, and go to other people for help when I don’t understand His word. So, anyways if you do read this book, let me know what you think!

John Casablanca callback…

..which I didn’t go to. They really liked me, but I defintely need training. I have had any formally. they wanted me to go inot their training program…the problem is its lots of money to pay for trainers before I can get signed with an agency…but training is necessary. Sigh.

I am not saying I am giving up! Definitely not. I feel like God has some more preparing in other areas of my life first. I am meeting with some people I really respect and know listen to God’s heart about my future. I really think I have a calling to that industry, but anything can be wrong without Gods timing.

And on  a different note, not wanting to start a new blog:

 My birthday was superawesome! My celebration started thursday night, where my sisters and I played dress up, had a dance party, played at the park, and got on my moms nerves…typical teenage stuff right? Then i got the day off work, and was blessed with a multitude of text mesages, phone calls, cards, facebook/myspace mesages and comments. even though its a little gesture, it means a lot! i have to say, my presents were awesome…Heavenfest Tickets, Belt, Earrings from my sisters, new car stereo systen from my parents! the coolest funnest dinner with Mel (we got to dress up) and an Ipod from Brit! yay! And from 3:01 AM to 3:07 AM I was 20 and Brett was still 19…hahaha! It was fun to dress up and hang out with Brit all day..including our treck through the mall equipped with sombreros! I can’t leave out though the food! Thursday night, not kidding: pizza, fried chicken, M and Ms, tin roof sundae ice cream, guavamole and chips, and peanutbutter-sugarpuffs-syrup-choc.chip goop! popsicles and whipped cream for breakfast….HUGE mudslide pie for lunch…and chocolate cherry cheesecake for dessert! WOO! But honestly, I had a little bit of a tummy ache this morning!

Learn to Dream

I might be able to check one of my worries of my list. After I read that, I realized how little I rely on God. That makes me a little sad. But I AM working on giving Him everything, knowing He is my provider and my comforter. Travis’s message last night was awesome! It was about potential. That is something I have been struggling with, since I will be 20 tomorrow and don’t have a lot to show for it. But that is where God comes in. I prayed with Travis and Whit about Learning to Dream again…and trusting God with His plans for my life. I am SO ready to move into something big..to find my calling, my ministry.

So, in a few minutes, I am off to a casting call for John Casablancas mdeling and acting agency. I know God is gonna be with me, and the desire in my heart is there for a reason. But whether anything comes out of this or not, I am not going to worry because God has given this little person BIG dreams for a reason!

PSALMS 37:4. DELIGHT IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!

I am 20 soon but I feel 13.

With all this openness I have been seeing, I decided it might be time for me to expose my TRUE colors… not the ones everyone sees. These are the things most people don’t know about me…these are my insecurities. So if anyone else has the same, you are not alone.

1.MY FEELINGS GET HURT REALLY EASILY! I would like to say that hurtful things roll off my shoulders. I would like to say 100% of my security is in God. But its not. Its hard to forget the hurtful things people have said about me. I forgive them, but the pain doesn’t go away.

2.I AM NOT FULL OF MYSELF! Apparently popular opinion as of late is that I always have to be the center of attention and thing I am the hottest thing since sliced bread. My personality really just likes to see people smile and i love to have fun. This probably is one of my biggest hurts, because a big part of me cares what people think and  I want to leave a good impression on people.

3.I AM SELF CONCIOUS ABOUT MY LOOKS. The mirror is growing on me, thanks to God! He has shown me that what I look like isn’t what is important to Him. My heart is what He finds beautiful. And I know he will use the fact that I look so young for something good..someday. But sometimes, the freckles, pale skin, and gapped teeth get to me.

4. I DON’T HAVE A CONSISTENT PRAYER LIFE. I still feel like a baby Christian. Sometimes I skip talking to God or reading my Bible becuaseI am too “busy.”

5. I RECENTLY FELL BACK INTO SIN, CAUSING A FELLOW BELIEVER TO STUMBLE. And I couldn’t hate myself more right now. I know God has forgiven me, but I know i have cheated not only on Him, but have robbed myself and my Husband.

6. SPEAKING OF HUSBANDS I DONT REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED. I feel like me and God would work out just fine by ourselves. I am not bitter, but why be distracted. He is all I will ever need, and I want to get closer and closer to Him. And Ithe second greatest commandment…to love people after loving God, I want to travel and show His love, without the attachment. (for anyone else, this is just how I feel for MY life).

7. I HIDE BEHIND MY SARCASM. I know that whether or not I grew up with it, sarcasm is not uplifting to other people. I need God’s grace to help me kick the habit. I have come a long way, but I have noticed that the people I am closest to are the ones who get the worst of it.

8. HATE IS A CONSISTENT PART OF MY VOCABULARY. this has really been brought ot my attention recently.I figured out the reason i use it in fun is to make it less offensive to myself. I have heard that word directed towards me, and something in me wants to make it less serious. Hate is the opposite of love, and so far away from God. I am careful to never have hate in my heart, but it seems to be damaging when in my speech. (feel free to hit me if you hear me say it, even though it will be joking). 

9. I CAN’T KEEP FRIENDS. The longest consistent close friendship (not once in a while casual friends) was 3 years. And that was in high school. Nothing has come close since. I have tried to figure it out. But even after giving it to God, the pattern of people moving on is still hapening.

10. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER WITHOUT A FUTURE. Everyone my age has some sort of future planned out. They know their callings. They are in school…something. I know its not too late for me, but I feel like I am always the last to grow up, the last to mature.

I am not trying to get a pitty party.  Don’t comment. Just read. As big of a change as people have seen, I still haven’t come that far. there are days like this when I am just not happy. These are the moments when I realize how little of my life, my identity I put in God. These 10 things i want to work on, to say I have fully given to God. And when that happens i will let you know, jsut as a testimony to how awesome His grace is and how patient He is. Becuase only He can change these things in my lfe. Believe me. I have tried on my own.

You are All I Need

Bethany Dillon is so freaking awesome! See previous post too!

For My Love

Its not quite the music video I was thinking…but this song is soo amazing! This is so gonna be my heart song someday!

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love

Redemption

Sometimes I feel like there can’t be any. I got my second chance. And what did I do with it? I am so good at failing.